Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
