I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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