dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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