I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
