I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
