Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
