Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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