In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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