I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
