This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
