Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize