he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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