so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the condom got lost in my hair
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
