I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
