She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
