I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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