I want to have your abortion
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
