I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
