I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
