you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
