You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
