i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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