In the future we'll all be gay
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
