Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
