so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
