Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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