He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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