Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
