she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you had me at cake vodka
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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