You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
