I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
