Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
