Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
