The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
