I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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