I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
