loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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