I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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