maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
