I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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