fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
