Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
