OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
