i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
