I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
