So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
