You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
