The police scanner is talking about you again....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
