I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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