everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
two words: eviction party
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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