I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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