biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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