i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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