saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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