I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
