Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My ass is underappreciated
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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