I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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