Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
