Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
