We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
