I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
