i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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