My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
