We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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