I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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